i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
