idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
