I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
