it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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