Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Randomize
