and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize