i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
