My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
