Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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