no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
