Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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