i don't like sucking hair
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
