I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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