you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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