I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
