New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
