You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
