I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
