I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
