we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
