Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
