The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
