One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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