2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Is Oprah even human
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize