I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
