Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
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I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
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She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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