i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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