thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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