I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
