There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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