No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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