Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
