We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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