I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
