I think i sorta joined a cult last night
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
