dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
