Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
