i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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