Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
