he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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