you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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