well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
