Swine flu is the new snow day.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
