Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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