I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Ketchup is God's man juice
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
