My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
