you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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