I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
