I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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