She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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