Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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