im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
