i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
The air taste purple.
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