U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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