i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
