Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
