I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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