Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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