Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
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Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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