So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
