all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
