Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
