what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
