scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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