Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
